Wednesday, March 16, 2011


When I have sugar before I go to sleep I have some wild dreams. I’ve dreamt about all sorts of things like being a bug, going back to high school- because it’s just easier that way. I’ve dreamed that I somehow ended up with a kid- I’m unsure if it was mine or if I found it at The Coffee Bean, nevertheless, it was terrifying. I’ve had dreams about good things and terrible things happening, happy and sad, scary and funny. You know, just like anybody else.

A few days ago though, I had one that struck me as odd. I dreamt that my dad had faked his own death and I found him on the street in a foreign country. I know that probably wasn’t what you were expecting to read. I don’t know what country we were in or why I was in that country but I was walking through a marketplace and saw a man who looked amazingly like my dad. I stared because of the resemblance and out of confusion. He looked over and we made eye contact. At that moment, I knew it was him. We were both shocked and, understandably, I felt like I’d just seen a ghost. Then he ran off! I chased him through the market and was eventually able to catch up to him. When I was chasing him I don’t remember thinking much other than “I can’t let him run away” and then felt angry. I was mad and wanted to know why he would’ve faked his death, what he was doing in X foreign country and how he could have put his family through everything that he did. When I finally caught up to him, my anger had subsided. I wanted to sit and talk to him. And then I woke up. My timing really could use some improvement.

I’m not one to invest in the meaning of dreams, but I do think it’s sort of wild one to have. I know that he didn’t fake his death. It would be ridiculous to think that. He looked different in the dream too. He was dressed differently than he ever had when I knew him. He was younger, fit, and energetic- enough to go on a foot chase anyway. He was laughing and looked happy from across the marketplace.

For some time since his death, I’ve thought that we would’ve been good friends. In the past two and a half years, I’ve learned to place a higher value on things like interpersonal interactions and relationships. I have a better understanding of different situations and people. It’s helped me realize what a great person he was and that I missed out on getting to know him. I think, or hope, that we could’ve gotten along well in my adult life.

So Dad, wherever you are I hope you’re happy and having fun. I miss you.

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