Going Green Smells

In an effort to go green, and not give myself cancer, I bought a natural deodorant. I thought "I really don't sweat a lot, this makes total sense!" Wrong. I found out that even though Tom's says "Unscented" it actually smells like earwax, "Odor Protection" is code for "Doesn't work worth a crap." Nowadays everything gives you cancer- obesity, deodorant, cellphones, and in a few years they'll probably say chemo causes cancer too. So, in trying to avoid cancer my thought was to revert back to the hippie/pilgrim days when they probably just rubbed a sprig of pine under their arms and called it good. Pine sprigs are copious around the OTC but I'm too lazy to go outside and get some. And it's probably illegal to snap the tender brach of a pine tree off for personal hygiene purposes... that'd be sticky too. So, I'm just gonna go back to using my aluminum riddled deodorant that actually works. Hopefully by the time I get cancer, medical technology will have advanced enough to cure it, and I can keep using what works.