The Expert in All of Us

There’s something about watching Olympic coverage that brings out the expert in all of us. Never mind not having any previous interest in the sport, you’re now inundated with luge and speedskating coverage. It’s amazing to watch any of the sports really. Maybe because it’s the best athletes in the world competing on the world’s largest stage, or seeing the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Simply watching the games is fun. You don’t need to know a damn thing about the sports, you’ll learn anything you need just by listening to the commentators.

I am now a hockey and sliding sport expert. In “real life” I’m a cyclist and stay as far away from ice as possible. After watching all the coverage of the sliding events, it’s safe to say I know exactly what to do. And as a new expert in the sports of luge, skeleton, and bobsled, I feel it’s accurate to say I could totally do that- it’s sledding in a skinsuit. Never mind the fact that it would take me 27.6sec of running (I use “running” very loosely here) to get started down the scariest tube of ice and speed imaginable.

Not only do I feel I could dominate a sport I know nothing about, I could also judge an event I know nothing about. Take for instance freestyle moguls. How hard can it be? First, they have to go really fast through bumps, then flip and twist around like they’re in a wash machine. They land, do it all over again, then throw their arms in the air in victory. Simple as that. They get a time, they’re judged on difficulty of trick (they all look equally hard to me) and the only real thing I can see- if their knees separate through the moguls. Based on these newly acquired judging skills, the IOC should hire me for Sochi. Really, those skills transfer to all the judged events- ice skating, ski jumping, aerials- I’m a jack of all trades!

In all reality, the Games will end in a month and I’ll realize the extent of my Olympic delusions. There’s no way I could do skeleton- I’d get too cold around all that ice and snow! I am going to hold out for a judging position in Sochi though. Anyone can do that!

*The Vancouver Paralympic Games will be starting on Friday (Mar 12-21). Sign up here for daily email updates with results etc, and check USParalympics.org for results and photos. Paralympicsport.tv should be streaming live coverage of events as well. Please tune in and support team USA.